Three years ago I woke up for the last time without being a mother. Without knowing what my son looked like. It's funny how clear certain memories are of our referral day. The way my heart pounded as we waited to learn about our future child. Feeling the strong need to go to the church across the street from Jose's office afterwards. The moment seemed so important that I wanted to be in a sacred space. Driving home and accidentally getting into the HOV lane and wondering if I could get out of a ticket if I explained that I had just seen my son's face for the first time. Sitting at the dining room table and calling the important people in my life to tell them the news. Having to readjust my expectations from parenting a baby to parenting a toddler.
It was a big day. And my heart has never been the same.