e-mail #1

November 22
Yesterday we received our first “pregnant client situation” e-mail. It outlined a birth family’s situation and asked us if we wanted to be “shown.” The birthmother is due in less than two weeks. Could they pick us? Maybe. What if they pick us? Wow! We could be parents of a newborn before Christmas.

I can’t imagine having to make this decision for my child. I really can't wrap my mind around what it must be like trying to decide based on a letter and a book who will love and honor this little person. How scary and totally overwhelming.

I’m trying not to get myself too worked up over this. But I did spend some time last night making a shopping list and looking at carseats. Just in case. And we’ll need the info at some point anyway, right? I’m reminding myself that it is very likely we won’t be picked and that’s not a judgment against us. We want a situation in which a birth family feels good about their choice, about us, about the home we will provide for our child. (And that “our” encompasses everyone)

My heart is already pounding. Will it do this all day? Probably. Will I feel like throwing-up if my phone rings with an unknown number. Very likely.

But this potential excitement for us, means a loss for many other people and one tiny, innocent baby. This is the hard, tough part of adoption. Brutally hard. Unimaginably hard. So I send peace and comfort to this family and for whatever decision they make.

November 28
After obsessively checking my e-mail more times than I care to admit, we got word late Wednesday afternoon that we were not chosen by the birth family. And I have to say I was a bit bummed. As much as I tried not to start thinking about a Christmas baby, I couldn’t totally stop my imagination from going there.

Now I’m back to planning a fun December as a threesome. First on the agenda - my dad and step-mom come for a visit this weekend!