Adoption Talk

A few months after we became a family, I put together a basic photo album of some pictures from Ethiopia and an assortment of photos of friends and family. This album sits in our big basket of books and from time to time Turo pulls it out when we are reading. We talk about the pictures and the people in them. Last night Turo took out a photo of him and A.G., a family member in Ethiopia. The picture was taken at our meeting with A.G. Our conversation went something like this:

Turo: There’s baby Turo, A.G. and mama’s hand. Why is A.G. sad?
Me: Because she was saying good-bye to you.
Turo: Why?
Me: Because you were going to live with Mama and Papi in Michigan.
Turo: Did I go to the gym when I was a baby?
Me: No, you lived with A.G. when you were a baby.
Turo: Was I called Buturo when I was a baby?
Me: Yes, your name has always been Buturo.

Because I am a mother
Because my son was born in Ethiopia
Because I have driven through the African countryside
Because the first photo taken of my son is of him looking skinny and scared
Because his family still lives there
The stories from the Horn of Africa remain
Long after I close my browser or turn off the radio.
I think about drought when watering my grass
I think about hunger when I clean out the refrigerator
I think about inequity when I’m shopping
I think about loss when laughter tumbles from my son.
We’ve given
But it isn’t enough.
I can see my child in these images
And I can’t imagine not being able to feed him
To provide for him
To keep him alive.

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If you're interested in making a donation, here are some links for you:
Doctors Without Borders fundraiser (spearheaded by fellow adoptive mama)
Oxfam and UNICEF are also raising funds to address the crisis
Or check out this list compiled by Interaction.org for other NGOs working in East Africa

Summer Magic: Mountain hikes with Grandpa

Summer Magic: Lunchtime concerts

Noticing Differences

Conversation 1
Girl: Is he Spanish? He has brown skin.
Me: No. He's from Africa.
Girl: Oh. Is his daddy from Africa?
Me: No. He's adopted.
Girl goes back to playing. A few minutes later
Girl (to Turo): Did you come from your mommy's belly?
Jose (jokingly to girl's mom - who is a good friend of his): You need to explain adoption to your kids.

Conversation 2
Boy: (Looking at me and then at Turo) You're different.
Me: You mean our skin is different?
Boy: (Nods)
Me: That's pretty cool isn't it?
Boy: (Nods and goes back to playing)


I've known that these questions would eventual come as Turo and his peers become more curious about the world, but I still don't feel totally prepared for them. I know Turo is listening so I want to respond in a supportive, thoughtful way that validates his identity, culture and place in our family (and that will help him formulate his own responses when we're not around). I also want to provide answers that help children understand adoption in a positive way but that doesn't get into too many details (which happened early on with one of Turo's friend's five year old sister, and I think I overwhelmed her a bit with my explanation).

If you are an adoptive parent, how do you answer (or wish you had answered) these types of questions?

Summer Magic: Strawberries

Giving thanks

The other day at the gym I was cooling down on the treadmill feeling pretty good about my run. I finally stepped up my workout routine and had just run (with a little walking ) for three miles. Then I looked up at CNN. Two flag draped coffins were being lowered from an airplane. These service members would never run again, never hug their families again. It felt strange to have the whir of the exercise machines, people just going along with their days while this solemn moment played out in front of us. So I stopped on the treadmill and just stood there. Wanting to somehow honor this loss. And then I headed off to the showers, my life still moving forward.


In moments like this I am struck with the fragility of life, the unbalance of it all. There is so much heartache. Death, illness, hunger, addiction, pain, loss. Yet my little world is filled with joy, laughter and love. (But even a great deal of that happiness originated from loss) I’m grateful for all I’ve been given. I know that there are times ahead that will be rough and unbearable, so each night I give thanks to the universe for getting one more day of sweetness and light.